How do you know you’ve had a baby?
When there are things on the floor and you kick them that light up, dance and sing.
There is a pack n play in your living room.
To go to the bathroom or get in the kitchen you have to stand over a baby gate.
Your daily cleaning includes picking up Cheerios’s from your floor.
The cats always look panicked and slightly pissed.
You do laundry 4 days a week.
You know the words to the Barney theme song.
You’ve formed opinions on the new Sesame Street, Yo Gabba Gabba and The Back Yardagins.
A trip to the store includes two bags and two trips to the car.
You use the words “Did someone poop their pants!” and now it’s no longer after a long night drinking.
Waking at 6am is no longer an option.
You find yourself choosing to go to work sick rather than stay home.
Your friends no longer see you after “bedtime”.
There is a giant duck in your husband’s bathroom.
You no longer get grossed out at the thought of picking someone else’s boogers.
You get to work and discover baby vomit on your top.
There are pages of chewed paper around the house.
A Friday night now ends at 11pm. If you can stay up that long.
You use the phrase “If we can find a babysitter.” when friends ask you to go to dinner.
Your grocery budget has gone up yet you’re still not eating steak for dinner.
You have rubber toys that squeak in your bathtub.