The great debate

Depending on the day you ask me I want to be a stay at home mother to Kyle until he’s in school at the very least.  I want to be the one who watches my son grow each day and be the one who he sees when he wakes from a nap.  Not being home with him takes a toll on him too I can tell that on Thursday’s when mommy is with him all day.

Why just yesterday he showed his glee with mommy by peeing through three outfits, once while he and mommy were napping and onto her shirt too, pooping three times, spitting up on her once and four times on himself and refusing to nap if she wasn’t holding him.  It’s the not wanting to nap in his crib that is the most telling to me, all during the week he naps just fine at my mom and dad’s but come Thursday he falls apart.

Ask me during a work day and I’ll say I want to be at home.  Ask me at 4 on a Thursday when he’s refused to nap or be alone for more than 10 seconds and I’ll beg you to take me to work but then come Friday morning I drop him off and I miss his little face all day long.

Jason and I are seeing about working to me doing just that, staying at home.  I don’t want to do it all through the next 18 years but during these first few it means a lot to both of us.  Of course depending on where I say that I get different reactions.

In an older copy of Time, the issue where they explored the 60’s, they were talking to a Feminist who said, in response to SHAM’s, “If we had free child care would we even be having this conversation.”  It seems that a good deal of people still miss the idea that some mom’s want to stay at home.  Free child care or not.  While a lot more mom’s could go to work if they choose if child care was ‘free’ (not really our taxes from our paychecks would pay for it.  Really people can’t really learn that free is never that.) not all of them stay home because they have to, they want too.  I have free child care, I want to stay home giving me more ‘free’ child care won’t help that.

Even my conservative heart is glad that the Gloria Steinhams of the world fought hard for women’s rights.  I am given a choice on where I work, I can get credit on my own, own my home, have bank accounts in just my name.  I don’t need a husband to pay the bills.  But I had thought that the whole point of all that fighting was to allow women the ability to choose their destinies.  Being a SHAM shouldn’t be seen as a failure of the women’s movement, unless she’s being forced to.  It should be seen as a victory.


2 thoughts on “The great debate

  1. Even if I’d had free child care available, I wouldn’t trade these last 7 months at home with my boy for anything. Much better than sitting at a desk longing to see his face. Even the bad days are not so bad in the light of the next morning. In my house, though, one choice was about equal to the other, economically speaking, so I was lucky. Staying at home is hard. Really, really hard. But they’re not little for long, sometimes I already feel like I’m sure I must have missed out on something.

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