I hear often from other mom’s (oh wow I can say that “Other mom’s”) that their husbands are either hopeless or unaware of the scope of baby and child care. The main complaint is that if they aren’t handed answers they don’t know how to cope. If you don’t write them a map, change diaper, bottle, bounce, cuddle, rinse repeat then it becomes a hassle that ends up with a baby melt down.
I have to say I’m a very lucky women. Jason is very involved. He wants to change diapers, give bottles and hold Kyle. He’s interested in daily care of him and not just the stereotypical daddy role of coming home from work and holding him for a bit then playing a video game. I’m totally blessed that his father was a complete and utter failure as not only a father but as a human. It’s a very weird thing to say but because he was Jason’s determined to be a good father. I told him today that he’s not a good father because he wants to be, he’s a good father because he is. You can’t be something you aren’t.
Sure there are things that come easier for me. I’ve been around babies and small children my whole life. Jason’s learning the in’s and out now. He also hates to hear his son cry and it distresses him. Me, while I don’t like it, I know that he’s going to cry when he gets changed or bathed or is hungry waiting for his bottle. Hell he’s just going to fuss sometimes because it’s all he knows to do. But he wades in and does what he can do and is learning tricks and his son.
I feel badly because as most 4 day old babies Kyle often wants familiar and that’s mommy’s smell and sound so sometimes it’s just best for him to be with me. I feel bad because Jason not only doesn’t get as much time with Kyle but because it feels like he’s being relegated to clean up. Putting laundry away, dishes, grabbing things for me when my arms are full. It’s not what I want for him as a parent so I keep saying to him to hold him, feed him, changed him ect. The hard part is not correcting him when I think he could do something better because my way isn’t the only way and I want Jason to find his own father groove.
In other news my milk came in full on yesterday and today I’m happy that my breasts are already starting to hurt less. There was a short window of time where I debated expressing milk to supplement the formula but I realized that my reasons for bottle feeding haven’t changed and are still as valid as they were before. Not only that but I’m now on several medications. While they are all listed as safe and I know they are I’m still not happy at the idea of putting medication into him if he doesn’t have to have it, passive or not.
We hit some smallish milestones. I can now get him to nap in his bouncier. Tomorrow we may work on his bassinet here in the living room. The goal is to finally get him in his bedroom on his own. He can self comfort better today than he did on Monday when we got home but he still needs to fall asleep on me. Right now that’s fine but we’re going to try working on that over time.