And some face time

Kyle

Hey mommy! I

I hate you guys, so very very much

Four toofs

Kyle now has his two bottom teeth and his two top teeth.  It’s funny because the top teeth are larger compared to his bottom ones and right now they’re just sort of poking out.  In his orange pumpkin outfit it’s really very funny.

He’s gone 4 nights without a bottle and this morning I didn’t even go to him.  He fussed but he never cried for long.  Just bursts and I figured my going in there would set him off more then letting him work it out for himself.  I was right.  But because of his weird daytime’s so far this week, he was with Holly (yay Holly!) Monday and Tuesday he didn’t nap well which set him up to be cranky as hell at 6 am.  So I’m going to take him easy today to try and ease him into sleeping a bit and hopefully we can get him back into his normal self.

I only watched the debates in bursts last night.  Truth be told I’m not a huge debate fan.  It’s just one long infomercial for each candidate, with both stretching the truth and taking digs at the other guy.  In this day and age of TV, national newspapers and Internet I can see an Obama ad, then go online and find out if what he’s said about McCain is true or vice versa.  I generally find that there is some truth in it but not the full truth for both sides.  For me knowing that JFK won the debate with Nixon when people saw it rather than listened taints my view.

At any rate things are a little odd around here.  My mom is having an MS flaire up and my grandmother is out of town meaning we’ve had to scramble for child care and I had to take today off.  We’re blessed we have people who were willing to step up because while my boss would probably have understood me not coming in our bank account can’t take me not working almost a full week.

Kyle enjoys watching WoW.  Yeah the Warlock in mom is happy to hear about that.  Apparently he likes to chew on a toy while watching all the colors.  Not something I’ll do long term with him but at least I know there’s something else I can do with him.

Being a bad mommy

So far it’s going ok.  On Saturday the dreaded 3am wake up was all I thought it would be.  He screamed so loud my ears rang and it was oh so tempting to give in because my heart was breaking.  But I didn’t.  He’s getting better already with his naps and bedtime is almost a breeze.  It’s the night time that’s hard.

But it’s getting better.  Daddy dosen’t have to spend long in his room and today he slept until 5am.  And while he kicked and fussed he didn’t come near the level he did the previous night.  In fact I left his room and he fussed some more but I didn’t go in.  He’d fuss then stop.  Then a few moments later fuss again.  Then stop.  AND HE PUT HIMSELF TO SLEEP.  In fact he’s still sleeping.  I’m not even going to hope getting him to be able to sleep and comfort himself is going to mean he might sleep until 7 or 7:30 but hey if that’s a side effect I’ll sure as hell be a thrilled mommy.

This is heartbreaking and I can see why a lot of parents can’t do it.  But I hug him close and in the morning when he wakes up he’s all smiles when I walk into his room.  He’s forgotten the night before and is only happy mommy’s there.

Small post script

Today went ok.  The afternoon nap was a killer, 1 hour of fussing and crying.  But he did go out.
He was cranky as hell for dinner, to the point where I put away his baby food and let him eat some cut up pears, Cheerios’s and some of his banana puffs and watch the Backyardagin’s.  He was over tired at that point because the change in the routine was stressing him out.

Bedtime went much better, 15 minutes from in the crib to me being able to leave.  He wasn’t fully asleep when I left but he wasn’t crying and he was lying down, thumb in mouth and doing the cooing into his mattress he does when he is ready to zonk out.  I suppose that’s really the goal.  That we don’t need to be there for him to finally sleep but right now we’re showing him we are there for him when he needs us.

I do dread tonight though.  I’m sure the wake ups will be very stressful on all of us.  But my hope is that he’ll figure out after all day today of no bottle to sleep and all night tonight of no bottle to sleep one isn’t forth coming.

I’m sure our neighbors hate us.

The fix

We are classic parents who have helped Kyle to learn how not to sleep.

After 6 months of waking during the night at least 2 times and him waking up sometimes before 6am I’d finally ran to the end of my rope.  The final nail in my coffin is his separation anxiety.  So far Kyle’s been pretty good about not flipping out when I’m not around but he’s starting to force himself to stay awake when I’m home to spend more time with me.  And suddenly started screaming when I would put him down at 4am.  He’d be sleeping soundly but the second he hit the mattress he’s start wigging out.

Jason’s running on empty, I’m suffering physically.  Our doctor kept telling me to let him cry it out, CIO, but somehow I just knew that wasn’t just the right answer to what was right for us.  Even more now that Kyle is becoming more worried about mommy not being there.

Last night I paid a visit to Half Price Books, <3 that store 2 baby books for less than $15, and picked up Good Night, Sleep Tight and The Baby Whisper.  And it was suddenly clear to me that Kyle wasn’t able to self sooth and we’d made the classic parenting mistake of wanting to feed him right at nap or bed time.

We had thought he could self sooth because more than a few nights we could put him in his crib and he’d cry a moment then babble a moment then drift off.  But he was so tired by that time he didn’t need to sooth, just nest in and he’d be up at 1am, or sometimes 10:30 pm, and then again somewhere between 3am and 5am.  And if it was 5 am forget me being able to go back to sleep he was up for the day.

I also realized that he was overtired.  Part of the problem is my mom.  No matter how many times I’d stress to her that he needed naps in order to sleep better she’d slip and forget then hand him off to me saying he’d sleep great that night because he didn’t nap.  And weekends really threw him because I was home and he’d refuse to nap because he’d want to be with mommy.

So things needed to change.  Jason’s over tired and passing out most nights and I’m trying not to fall asleep at my desk at work as well as having my hair fall out and my ulcers reoccur and a whole host of other health related issues.

Today was the day we put Good Night, Sleep Tight to work.  It started when he woke up at 6:30 and he got breakfast right away.  He never seemed real interested in actually eating early in the morning, but now I realize it’s because I was giving him a bottle and now that he’s discovered real food he is starting to reject formula.  After breakfast we played a bit then 15 minutes before nap time we read a book and we talked to his Lovie, or what I’m trying to have him choose as his Lovie.  In some ways we’re lucky because he has a set sleep pattern already so that part’s already figured out for us.  The challenge is getting him to sleep.

So at 8am he went into his crib and I sat next to him.  It was the longest half hour of my life.  He kept crying and reaching for me.  But I stuck to the plan.  I’d occasionally pat his back, talk to him and place him back down in his sleeping position.  About half way through I got my shirt I’d worn yesterday and put it down in his crib with him.  That started to help.  I’d put him back down and he’s cry but then start to suck his thumb and stare, classic Kyle signs he’s sleepy.

It took 30 minutes but he fell asleep on his own.  Not without tears but by the time he started to drift off he wasn’t crying but lying there sniffling but with his thumb in his mouth and his head buried in my shirt.

I hated leaving him to cry like that.  But right at the start of the book the author states to remember that they aren’t crying because they are hurt or hungry.  They are saying “You always do this for me, I’m tired but I don’t know how to sleep without you.”  So I kept that mantra up and kept imagining a full nights rest for both Jason and I.

This is a two week plan, but most of the parent stories say by night 4 their baby had pretty much gotten to a point where they’d fuss for a moment then drift off.  And almost all said that they weren’t waking during the night anymore.

As much as I’m going to miss holding him in my arms while he sleeps I realize we can’t go on like this and we’re doing him a disservice.  He’s tired because he’s waking up and we’re tired and can’t focus on our regular lives or his.

I hate letting him cry like he was and is going too.  But I love that I’m right there for him and it’s ok for me to pick him up for a moment to kiss his head and pat him.  I like that I can talk to him and let him see me.  The real test is going to be when he wakes in the middle of the night.